America's Next Top Model: The Drinking Game!

Greetings! It’s a lovely 92 degrees today!

Whenever I traveled for work, my favorite downtime was watching TV in my hotel room. I normally don’t watch TV much, so I’d revel in the “reality” bliss of non-mental taxing TV. My favorite is America’s Next Top Model. It’s always on, usually in marathon format. One trip to St. Petersburg, Florida, I spent every night watching it. Thank you VH1.

So tonight I’m watching a marathon on the Bravo network and I decided to combine this great reality program with another great downtime activity; drinking. Now in making this drinking game, I realized there are two versions: the alcoholic version and the normal person version. The average alcoholic could sit down and drink every time a model cries, every time Tyra yells, and every time a wannabe model acts so bitchy you want to carve her eyes out with a fork, slather them in mayonnaise and force feed them to her and this person would be very, very drunk by the end of one episode.

For the average weekend boozer, these are your rules:

1 – Drink for every moment of forced intimacy among the girls. For example, Tyra sits the girls down and forces them to tell her which pearl of wisdom imparted to them by her vicious panel of judges hurt their feelings the most. Bleh.

2 – Drink for every Tyra vanity moment. For example, before the trip to Spain, Tyra delights both audiences and her massive ego by dancing the flamenco! Bleh.

3 – Drink anytime you actually see someone eat. For example, the food actually enters their mouth. And by food, don’t mean booze.

4 – Drink for any blatant product placement. America’s Next (CoverGirl) Model, like most (CoverGirl) reality programs, (CoverGirl) is sponsored by a certain corporation (CoverGirl). See if you can guess (CoverGirl) which one it is. (CoverGirl)

5 – Drink every time you feel sympathetic towards a model. For many of you, this moment will never come. But for me, I tend to feel bad for those being bullied. And America’s Next Top Model always has a bully. Now this rule does not apply to the panel sessions, as everyone on that panel is a bully and had no friends in high school. Except for Nigel. Who is beautiful and can do no wrong in my eyes.

Ok, all you normal drinkers out there, this should keep you nice and buzzed during any America’s Next Top Model marathon.

I’d also like to pitch the idea of a cage match between Tyra and that Millionaire Matchmaker woman. To any Fox News Executives reading this (and I know there are a ton), I would happily pay $50 to watch that match.